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“She took the first sample bottle and squeezed a small quantity of beige cream on to her perfectly manicured forefinger, and proceeded to rub it in gentle circles into the front of my right hand. Handel’s “Messiah” rang out throughout the store “Halleluiah!”.  After a while, she took the second bottle and squeezed a small quantity of pink cream out before massaging it into the front of my left hand. “Halleluiah! Halleluiah!”.”

 

That was the nearest Greg parker had been to a sexual experience for about four years.

 

Greg Parker is 41 years old, divorced, with a computer nerd job, and desperately searching for a meaningful relationship.

 

He is hampered, however, by the fact that his reality is completely different from everyone else’s – he never misses an opportunity to delude himself!

 

In this romantic comedy, Greg becomes totally besotted with a sales woman on the Clinique counter at Debenhams when she massages cream into his hand one day.

 

His hilarious attempts to form a relationship with Ms. Clinique stop after seven months, when, whilst lurking behind the tights counter, he bumps into Sue, a triathlete with brains and good looks, who takes a shine to Greg and does what it would never occur to him to do – asks for a date.

 

Greg really fancies Sue, but with her sporting achievements, first-class honours degree and her being a self-taught multi-linguist, he is completely in awe of her, and his life becomes dedicated to impressing her.

 

He joins a gym, which practically cripples him, takes up mountain biking and crashes horrendously, diets to lose his middle-aged spread and finally, out of shear desperation, enrols for a charity parachute jump. In the plane, he nervously fiddles with the parachute as he is about to jump, and a buckle becomes lose. The book closes as Greg is pushed from the plane shouting “Geronimo”.

 

His love exploits are intertwined with episodes at work, with his two children (who love him dearly but find him a bit of an embarrassment), with his best mates Dave and Troy, a lunatic Pakistani, and with references to Everton Football Club, whose players could apparently not survive without Greg’s wisdom.

 

Throughout, Greg appears as a gauche loser but you can’t help but want him to succeed.

 

If you have ever been to a gym, ridden a mountain bike, raced a triathlon or been desperate for a relationship you will empathise with Greg Parker – even if you do try to deny it!

 

 

This eBook novel is FREE  to download!

 

It can be read on your computer screen, Sony eBook Reader or any other device that displays pdf files.

 

I hope you enjoy it!

 

 

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DELUSIONS OF GREGORY